Dilemmas

I love being at home with my kids. At times it's really hard and they test my limited patience constantly. Some days end in tears, but overall I really appreciate the chance to be with them as I know it's a privilege not many can afford these days.

So I tell myself enjoy this time. Once it's gone you can't get it back.

Some extra money would be nice - I think most people would admit to wanting more than they have. I remind myself it's a short time to sacrifice a few things and thanks to extremely generous grandparents on both sides and doting aunties, our children certainly want for nothing. 

Then, then, a really good offer comes along. A great offer in fact. To seize or not to seize? Much soul searching ensued about what I wanted to do now, and in the future. I definitely want to work again, I think it's really important as a role model to my kids. Part of being a strong, confident and fulfilled person is a job that satisfies you and I want to show them that. Opportunities that put you back into the workforce ahead of where you left it four years earlier don't come along often. 

There are so many good reasons to do this. But I woke up one morning while still thinking it over and nearly burst into tears at the thought of what I might miss. My heart just clenches at the thought of leaving them, especially Lachy who is such a Mumma's little guy at the moment, not like little miss independent. I started thinking, will a nanny make cupcakes with them? Will she cuddle them they way they like when they hurt themselves? Will she know just how to make Isla laugh to get her out of a grump like I do? I'm not the best mum in the world, but I'm their mum and nobody knows them like I do. 

In the end, it didn't work out and although a little disappointed I mainly feel relieved. I just have to remind myself when I am having a bad day of how torn I was at leaving them to go back to work and how lucky I am to have them and to be with them for now.